yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
