i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
