I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
