hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
