how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
