My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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