If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I would fuck him just for his dog
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
