i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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