I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
