I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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