I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
