sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
