Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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