it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
