I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
