You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
