Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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