So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
