It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize