Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
