the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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