I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
