Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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