What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
