I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
