did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
