I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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