How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
