shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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