Umm I'm too high to move.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
