This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
