My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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