I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
