God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
