my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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