found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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