Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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