you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
