I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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