I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize