The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
