Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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