Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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