God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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