I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
