you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
