I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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