Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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