Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
