If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
