Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
