Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
