apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
