We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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