ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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