Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
