OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
