what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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