Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
