If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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