I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
