So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
