I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
