there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
