Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is the high leading the old right now
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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